The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
