Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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