Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize