whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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