There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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