1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
