she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sext me about skeletons
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
