so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
