She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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