just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Boobs are out for the taking
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
