thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
