if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
