You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
