Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
