The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
