It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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