Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All the doctor said was why
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
