Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize