talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize