kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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