My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
