Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
