Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize