My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
