we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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