Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
