i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
