She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
