All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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