when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
