OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
