remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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