he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
