I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize