yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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