At least make sure they are 18
Why
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
