I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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