I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
