Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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