But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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