im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
