no, he came in my armpit
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
