I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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