i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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