i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
