So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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