I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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