Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
