If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
