An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
