There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
