it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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