Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
