ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT