Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
