I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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