I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
