I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with