ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
