when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
