my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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