I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
